left biblioblography: How To Profit From The Rapture!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

How To Profit From The Rapture!

I stumbled across this recently doing ‘net research – HOW TO PROFIT FROM THE RAPTURE!

Dear End Times Investor, Entrepreneur, and Saver:
WELCOME! You’re here because, like every canny individual, you know that you can’t spell “financial responsibility” without the A, the P, the O, the C, the A, the L, the Y, the P, the S, and the E of “apocalypse.”
You know not only that the Rapture can take place at any moment, but that when it does you’ll most likely not “make the cut,” and be left behind here with the rest of us.
And you know that, while such a fate might be disappointing to some, to others—like us; like you—it offers a series of amazing opportunities for financial gains.
While some might see the rise of the Antichrist as a harbinger of doom and destruction, we see it as a chance to achieve solid returns by shorting his bonds.
While some might view the War of the Second Seal as a bloody nightmare of rampaging foot-soldiers, we see it as a chance to score big by investing in sword, shield, and spiked club manufacturers.
While some might consider it a catastrophe when a star made of wormwood falls from outer space and pollutes all of the Earth’s fresh water sources, we see it as a chance to rack up “tasty” profits by selling shares in a can of mandarin orange segments.
So take a look around.  Peruse this site.  And be sure to bookmark it for future reference.  We’ll be blogging regularly with timely updates about how you can take cool, calculated advantage of breaking events to improve your portfolio even as those around you are losing their heads, feet, or various other appendages.
And remember (as we say in our Rapture Financial Minutes, playable here on the site), “Just Because It’s the End Times Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Make Money.”
All best,
Steve and Evie Levy

And yes, it’s satire. The ‘Rapture Financial Minutes’ are extraordinarily amusing. So enjoy.

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