left biblioblography: DIABOLIC DYSENTERY – SPREADING THE ‘GOOD NEWS’

Friday, February 24, 2006

DIABOLIC DYSENTERY – SPREADING THE ‘GOOD NEWS’


Wow. Was looking up some biblical references for flatulence in the bible (was going for the lowbrow shot this time), came across this intensely hysterical website:

http://www.jesus21.com/writers/looper/struggle.html

E. Dwayne Looper should have his/her last name changed to ‘Loopy’. Credentials are as follows: ‘E. Dwayne Looper is widely considered to be the leading Christian demonologist in Canada. Residing in the town of Moosejaw, Saskatchewan, Brother Looper leads a dynamic ministry of deliverance in the frosty climes of the frozen north. Educated at Christchurch University, Cambridge, The Reverend Looper earned his Doctor of Divinity degree in 1982.)’
Does he perform at children’s birthday parties too? What a clown. Get a bleeding hobby, will ya, Rev?

“There are many ways in which one can maintain an optimum, effective witness for Christ Jesus. Saying no, when invited to "play" with the Ouija board while at work; refusing to kill another person, even if they are an abortionist; placing Bible tracts in public places, such as Laundromats, malls, restrooms, and government offices.”

Can you say ‘whacko’, boys & girls? Someone please, PLEASE tell me this cat’s on medication. He must be: I’m only going to quote the wilder parts of this scatological sermon, because, well, it’s just TOO funny.

“We take in God through our mouths, and expel the Serpent through our bowels. You see, food is a type of Christ, while bodily waste, or fecal matter, is a type of Satan. This is why we bless our food, and flush our waste down into the underworld. And just as we spend time in properly preparing our food, that we may receive God's blessing through it, so too must we prepare our colons to be properly flushed of the feces Satan would have become impacted, robbing us of our colon's ability to absorb important vitamin and nutrients and hence, the natural vitality, clean mind, and fresh skin we need to bring Christ to others: A constipated Christian simply cannot be an effective witness for Christ!”

I looked all over for some ad declaring that the reader could get ‘Colonal Irrigation’. Seriously! I mean, he dispenses advice like a deranged Dear Abbey (pun intended), ya think he might actually direct someone SOMEWHERE for a Sacred Suppository. That comes later.
“Flatulence is yet another gastrointestinal weapon Satan uses to damage the witness of the effective Christian.”

He who farts in church, sits in pew? (wild laughter).

“I remember when I was a young minister, Satan would often attack me with great bouts of flatulence as I was about to mount the podium to deliver God's inspired word.”

Ummm…try laying off the red-hot Chili, Rev.

“The snickering in the congregation often grew to such raucous heights as to drown out the Word. The attacks would continue as I attempted to stand at the door of the sanctuary after service to bid farewell to the parishioners. And as I was about to shake a hand, or hug a child, a great flatus would erupt and spew forth the noxious odor residing in my bowels.”

So it’s the DEVIL’S fault, you don’t have enough sense to lay off the bean & cheese burritos at whatever passes for 7-11 in Canada?

“And sweet Jesus, the odor: It carried with it the sulfurous emissions of Hell itself.”

Wonder what his dating life was like?

“That sulfuric odor emanating from deep within me was really my first clue that its origins were not simply from cabbage, but rather from Hell. It was then that I undertook to study my bowels and to control my eating habits in such a way as not to allow Satan to use the rotting foods within me to contaminate the work Christ was trying to do in, and through, me.”

Gee, that doesn’t sound delusional to me in the least. Would be a great headline in the Enquirer.

“The Fall is dramatized in the human digestive process.”

So now we’re a microcosm of the Divine Plan, via our digestive juices?

“We take in the good food of the Garden with our mouths, but then our evil physical bodies of lust turn it into putrid stool, rather than the Shekinah glory which followed the Children of Israel in the Wilderness. I therefore urge you in this final year before the millennium to take control of your colon even as Christ has taken control of your spirit.”

Praise the Lord, pass the Ammo! Oh, & that’s how dated this article is. I wonder how he and his followers rose to heaven? Bourne by the sweet smell of satiny billows of aromatic, blessed broken wind.

“The best way to do this is with my patented Looper Gospeltories, which are small waxy vessels containing the purest olive oil the Holy Land can offer. As you kneel in a semi-squat position in the privacy of your prayer closet, you simply insert a Looper Gospeltory into the gritty recess of your backside. Once inside, the gentle olive oil loosens, cleanses, and frees your colon of the layers of encrusted demonic residue. And best of all, Looper Gospeltories make great gifts, for what better says "I love you" than the gift of a clean colon? The Looper Gospeltories come twelve to a box for only $8.95. Please feel free to order by e-mail through this website.”

Because a clean colon is a Christian colon! Lube ‘em up baby, we’re going to Heaven! I mean, the IMAGERY this nonsense invokes, well, hey, it’s WAY better than what I was GOING to post.

I’d email him, and tell him to shove it where the sun don’t shine, but he’s already done that.

Read. Enjoy. I really do wish I’d made this up. But it’s apparently for real. Knock yourself out, troops.



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26 comments:

Krystalline Apostate said...

HZ:
Oh man, just couldn't stop laughing. Just when you think it couldn't get any wackier, voila!
Hey, I noticed your porcine pet was the 1st to comment on my blog.
Give her an extra helping o' slops fer me, wouldja?

heathenz said...

That certainly is over the top - or beneath the nadir :)

Beowulf said...

Ra,

The website and sermon you linked you to are a complete sham. You couldn’t be serious in thinking this article to be a scholarly representation of the Christian worldview. As far as your disgust with the content found therein, my sentiments are the same. It doesn’t take much to find obnoxious material on the net these days. What’s even more interesting; is that you would attribute this as: “apparently for real”

I suspect you know the material to be a fallacious representation of nauseating propaganda and are deceptively attempting to conflate absurdity with Christianity (I hope I am wrong—feel free to correct me).

Ra—your better than this, right? Anyway, if you’re looking for interesting Christian articles to critique, I would recommend browsing through Stand to Reason, or Monergism for some more substantial material (if that’s what your looking for). There are plenty more good sites, but these two have enough there to cover almost all areas of anyone’s interest.

HairlessMonkeyDK said...

"conflate absurdity with Christianity"... as if there would be any -need- to do so.
Reading the Bible makes one aware of the absurdity easily enough.
I mean, there's no reason to make stuff up about christianity... the Bible itself is filled with enough weirdness.

Beowulf said...

Oh, and ra, I see that you attempted to respond to me in your “watchmaker” post. Of course, I responded as well. When are you going to get it? You have been debunked

Krystalline Apostate said...

The website and sermon you linked you to are a complete sham.
Yeah, I'll cop to it.
I was laughing so hard, I didn't do the elementary background research. I'll leave the post up a coupla days, so you can bask in your glory, & I'll take it down later. As to the rest of your commentary:
You couldn’t be serious in thinking this article to be a scholarly representation of the Christian worldview.
Dude, the thing was about flatulence, for cryin' out loud. Take a pill.
As far as your disgust with the content found therein, my sentiments are the same.
Disgust? I was amused.
I suspect you know the material to be a fallacious representation of nauseating propaganda and are deceptively attempting to conflate absurdity with Christianity (I hope I am wrong—feel free to correct me).
You stand corrected. I erred, in not checking it thoroughly.
Ra—your better than this, right?
Better than what, exactly?
Thanks for the extra info, BTW.
Oh, and ra, I see that you attempted to respond to me in your “watchmaker” post. Of course, I responded as well. When are you going to get it?
I got it. 'Apparently' you haven't. 'Attempted'? Debunked? I doubt that very much.

Rosemary said...

RA

ROFLMAO

Beowulf said...

“Dude, the thing was about flatulence, for cryin' out loud. Take a pill.”
I am beginning to think this is the only thing you think about.

“Disgust? I was amused”.
Yes, but your amused with disgusting things. It the same as laughing at something that’s just so dumb, but you can’t help it. I am guilty of this too, so I won’t hold it against you.

“Better than what, exactly?”

Better than being purposely deceitful. But apparently it was not your original intent to be deceitful (to which I’m glad)

“Debunked? I doubt that very much.

Ra, you’re a hoot! You’re just not willing to agree that you were mistaken in your argument. Look, falsifying your argument doesn’t make ID true anymore than it standing makes the moon cheese. It may very well be the case that ID is debunk, you just have to take a different approach—because yours failed.

~Cheers

Krystalline Apostate said...

I am beginning to think this is the only thing you think about.
Maybe you should read all my other posts, before you jump to conclusions.
Ra, you’re a hoot! You’re just not willing to agree that you were mistaken in your argument. Look, falsifying your argument doesn’t make ID true anymore than it standing makes the moon cheese. It may very well be the case that ID is debunk, you just have to take a different approach—because yours failed.
Thus far, you're the only person to point this out.
I'm more than willing to accept defeat gracefully. Thus far, you've offered little or nothing of substance - outside of a blanket statement that matter=universe, postulating a deity that doesn't exist.

Krystalline Apostate said...

BF:
P.S STILL awaiting an example of a (human) creator not bound by the physical laws of nature that has created something.
I'm waiting....patiently.

Beowulf said...

Ra,

Where did I say matter=universe? Please point it out to me.

“P.S STILL awaiting an example of a (human) creator not bound by the physical laws of nature that has created something.
I'm waiting....patiently”


I never claimed that humans and their creations are not bound by the laws of physics. Quote me where I state that. This is just another one of your red herrings. Here’s what I commented about earlier on your previous post:

1) The laws of physics are contingent on the existence of the universe.
2.) If God created the universe, he is not contingent upon it—he would have existed prior to it (in order to create it), hence before the laws of physics.
3.) If God existed prior to the beginning of the universe, He is not bound the laws of physics, which are contained only within the universe.
4.) All matter (in all definitions) in contain within the universe.
5.) Scientists on both sides of the camp agree that the universe had a beginning

This clearly shows that your thesis is wrong.

In return, all you could do is offer “as far as anyone knows, matter has always existed.” To which you offered NO support. The only thing you got going for you is your sarcasm.

Krystalline Apostate said...

BF:
I never claimed that humans and their creations are not bound by the laws of physics. Quote me where I state that. This is just another one of your red herrings.
I was looking for a refutation to my example in my post. You never claimed this. Re-read the bloody post. Do try to keep up.
This is just another one of your red herrings.
Whaa??? Last I checked, you were the fisherman.
This clearly shows that your thesis is wrong.
Mrraannnnnk! Wrong.
You can't even provide proof for your presupposition of the 'G' word.
I used simple logic, & capsized the entire Paley theory.
Let's just lay our cards on the table, shall we?
You can't offer any proof whatsoever for your speculation. None. Zip. Zero. Zilch. De nada.
I on the other hand, don't need to prove anything at all.
The only thing you got going for you is your sarcasm.
Which is by far more real than your mythical entity.

Beowulf said...

I was looking for a refutation to my example in my post. You never claimed this. Re-read the bloody post. Do try to keep up.

Again, support you proposition and quote me.

You can't even provide proof for your presupposition of the 'G' word.

Another red herring; this is your favorite logical fallacy.

I used simple logic, & capsized the entire Paley theory.
Let's just lay our cards on the table, shall we?
You can't offer any proof whatsoever for your speculation. None. Zip. Zero. Zilch. De nada.
I on the other hand, don't need to prove anything at all.


More drama, how about something with substance? (Like supporting your argument)

Which is by far more real than your mythical entity.

Just more distracting drama; you got nothing

Krystalline Apostate said...

BF:
Again, support you proposition and quote me.
& again, DIDN'T SAY THAT. I asked for a refutation to my example, which you have deftly avoided doing. Repeat: give me an example where a CREATOR is exempt from the laws of the CREATION, sans deity.
Which of course, you can't.
Another red herring; this is your favorite logical fallacy.
No, this is YOUR presupposition, YOUR entire approach to the argument. You keep bringing up subjects that weren't addressed at all in the post. Everything you theorize is contingent on ONE item only: god's existence. Which (bless your little heart), you hang onto w/a terrier's persistence.
More drama, how about something with substance? (Like supporting your argument)
Again, my post stands. I deflated the entire concept. You can take out a huge 2 page ad in the local newspaper, declaring you're right, won't make it so. You can trumpet your 'victory' from the rooftops: you still lost.
Sour grapes.
Just more distracting drama; you got nothing
I fail to see it.
I've re-read the post. Thus far, I've not offered an alternative theory. I've not speculated (in the post) as to whether the universe was endless or no: nor did I hypothesize that matter (in the post) was endless or not. I merely took god out of the equation, & applied natural law & structure to it.
You did deftly drag me into a discussion about these matters. So you get a point or 2, but only that.
I got nothing?
If I have 'nothing', why are you fighting so hard?
Really, you use so many fallacies, & then you accuse me of them? Your efforts are amusing, I'll give you that.
J'accuse!

Beowulf said...

again, DIDN'T SAY THAT. I asked for a refutation to my example, which you have deftly avoided doing. Repeat: give me an example where a CREATOR is exempt from the laws of the CREATION, sans deity.

I am not arguing against the premise that people or creatures are exempt from the laws of physics. This is a valid premise. The problem is where NOT talking about a non-deity—this where your analogy is false.

No, this is YOUR presupposition, YOUR entire approach to the argument. You keep bringing up subjects that weren't addressed at all in the post. Everything you theorize is contingent on ONE item only: god's existence. Which (bless your little heart), you hang onto w/a terrier's persistence.

The subjects I brought up were regarding the laws of physics, the very premise which you make your argument. Even if we cant agree that God exists we can still speak hypnotically. I recognize our disagreement on this issue, that’s why in the first comment I left regarding this issue I stated “For the sake of argument, if…”. Secondly, you made a foolish claim that “as far as anyone knows, matter has always been there” in an attempt to counter my propositions, hence, came my rebuttal regarding the begging of the universe. Everything I brought up is relevant to your argument, or to an objection that’s you raised.


Again, my post stands. I deflated the entire concept. You can take out a huge 2 page ad in the local newspaper, declaring you're right, won't make it so. You can trumpet your 'victory' from the rooftops: you still lost. Sour grapes.

***yawn*** when are you going to answer my objections?

I fail to see it. I've re-read the post. Thus far, I've not offered an alternative theory. I've not speculated (in the post) as to whether the universe was endless or no: nor did I hypothesize that matter (in the post) was endless or not. I merely took god out of the equation, & applied natural law & structure to it.

And I point out how the laws of physics did not apply.


You did deftly drag me into a discussion about these matters. So you get a point or 2, but only that.

***yawn***

I got nothing?
If I have 'nothing', why are you fighting so hard?

Who says I am fighting hard—refuting you is easy!

Really, you use so many fallacies, & then you accuse me of them? Your efforts are amusing, I'll give you that.
J'accuse!


So I take it you give up.

Krystalline Apostate said...

BF:
I am not arguing against the premise that people or creatures are exempt from the laws of physics. This is a valid premise. The problem is where NOT talking about a non-deity—this where your analogy is false.
No, we're talking about a non-existent creature.
The subjects I brought up were regarding the laws of physics, the very premise which you make your argument.
Wrong again. I did nothing at all, except subtract the deity from the equation, & apply natural law.
Even if we cant agree that God exists we can still speak hypnotically.
That's a hell of a slip.
Everything I brought up is relevant to your argument, or to an objection that’s you raised.
Again, nothing in my post addressed any of these items. I provided no alternative answers.
***yawn*** when are you going to answer my objections?
I already have.
Your entire premise is based on an immaterial being no one can empirically prove the existence of.
And I point out how the laws of physics did not apply.
See commentary above.
***yawn***
If I'm boring you, why post at all?
Who says I am fighting hard—refuting you is easy!
"None so blind as those who will not see."
I wonder where that quote comes from? Hehehehe.
Refuted squat.
So I take it you give up.
Oh, no. Matter of fact, I'm pleased as punch at the resistance thus far. I take a theory: subtract the deity: apply simple rules of logic & natural law, thereby demolishing it, & what do I get? A stubborn theist who keeps fighting me tooth & nail to prove me wrong (& doing a poor job of it, to boot).
Must be pretty good. 1 can usually test a theory by it's detractors.
Thanks.

Beowulf said...

To be able to discuss these issues seriously, there needs to be at least a modicum of intellectual honesty among the participants. You are obviously not willing to provide anything conducive to serious discussion.

At least you humored me with some good jargonology ;¬)

Krystalline Apostate said...

BF:
Answers.com -
"Intellectual dishonesty is the creation of misleading impressions through the use of rhetoric, logical fallacy, fraud, or misrepresented evidence. It may stem from an ulterior motive, haste, sloppiness, or external pressure to reach a certain conclusion. The unwary reader may be deceived as a result.

Scientists and scholars generally consider plagiarism a serious form of intellectual dishonesty. Other examples include the incorrect attribution of a quotation or quotation out of context, use of obfuscated or irrelevant citations, deceptive omission of contextual text through ellipsis, and the unsupported amplification of a relationship."
emphasis mine.
You are obviously not willing to provide anything conducive to serious discussion.
Which you would've said no matter what I said. 'Salright.
At least you humored me with some good jargonology
Sayeth the court jester.

Beowulf said...

RA,

I would have been happy to have friendly dialogue with you, but go back and read through our discussion, it is you who brought the sarcasm into the discussion in order to distract from the issue and evade my objections.

You shouldn’t get so but hurt when it’s been shown that you were wrong. Just dust yourself off and try again buddy. Maybe we can have some future dialogue minus the sarcastic rhetoric; your choice (I’m willing).

~ BF

Mesoforte said...

Are you sure that the site isn't a joke? That was too funny for it to be real. ^_^

Oh, and I don't use my blog anymore. I've pretty much just left it there to rot. But I'll keep it open so that I can comment on other blogs.

Krystalline Apostate said...

MF:
Yeah, it did turn out to be a joke site. My bad. I was laughing so hard, didn't check it.
Come by a bit.

Krystalline Apostate said...

BF:
I would have been happy to have friendly dialogue with you, but go back and read through our discussion, it is you who brought the sarcasm into the discussion in order to distract from the issue and evade my objections.
True enough. I use it to measure my opponent.
You have been found wanting.
You shouldn’t get so but hurt when it’s been shown that you were wrong.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Keep 'em comin', my friend. It's nice to have a joker around. Got a 'Gospeltory'?
Just dust yourself off and try again buddy.
That'll be easy.
Never hit the ground.
Maybe we can have some future dialogue minus the sarcastic rhetoric; your choice (I’m willing).
Hey, it's my backyard. You're the guest here.
I get to moderate.
Let me guess: senior in high school?
'But hurt'? 'Spell check nazi'?
Your commentary betrays your age. Or lack of maturity.
Or both.
But I could be wrong. Been wrong before.
But not this time, I think.

Anonymous said...

AWWWWW....What a shame this was a sham!
I wanted to say "Hey Rev. Looper, Pull my finger!"

karen

Beowulf said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Krystalline Apostate said...

karen:
Yeah, it was a joke site. BF pointed it out to me.
It was just so damned funny, though!

say no to christ said...

What a good laugh! Hey I am not above thinking something evil has crawled up my husbands ass from time to time. lol There has been many a days that he has cleared the kids, dogs, cat and myself from a room. lol