left biblioblography: Let's Get Squalid, You Wankers!

Monday, June 04, 2007

Let's Get Squalid, You Wankers!

I ran into this little ditty over at Beep's blog, and courtesy of the Spanish Inquisitor, it turns out that...self-play is actually good for you.

I'd actually heard this before, via word-of-mouth (no, not that kind, get yer mind outta the gutter: there, that's better), but I've heard different attitudes on this before.

We're all familiar with the adage about how athletes abstain prior to the big game (and seeing how most men tend to nod off afterwards, myself excluded, it's understandable), but in martial arts, specifically Taoist/Wu Tang (the mountain range, not the rap group), semen retention is actually encouraged. I've even read where there's a training regimen where after 100 days, the man is returned to the state of virginity (nice trick, no?).

The ascetics of the Orient make the Western counterparts seem like hedonists.

I had a Tai Chi instructor who told the class one sweat-soaked evening (it was exercise, jeez loweez, is that all you people think about?) in regards to the Taoist concept of AIDS - that depletion of this resource lowers the immune system directly correlated (I think) to the concept of the 'three treasures', shen, chi, and jing.

Much as I enjoy Taoism, there's an innate tendency in the philosophy to return the person to the original state, i.e., infancy. Indeed, Taoism is about the only philosophy I know of that aims at actual physical immortality (I kid you not).

Be that as it may, I have encountered the opposite viewpoint here:

Masturbation and consequent orgasm depletes the brain and spinal fluids of acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin and the hormones such as hGH, DHEA, testosterone, thyroxine (T4) and Triiodothyronine (T3), neurotransmitters that are responsible for human functioning and very important when it comes to sex. This deficiency melts the brain’s acetylcholine/parasympathetic, dopamine and serotonin nervous functions and your endocrine functions. The damage results in the symptoms of bladder and prostate problems; frequent urination, incontinency, semen leakage, enlarged prostate, etc.
People also experience hair loss and they have no idea why they are losing hair. Even young men come to me and wonder why they are losing hair. The answer lies in the imbalances of the bodies nutrients and hormones that overmasturbation produces. Over burning of testosterone into DHT and the excessive DHT binds to the root of hair cells, blocking it from growing and cutting off supplies of nutrients and proteins so that hair will thin and eventually stop growing.

Holy crap! And here I thought I just had a recessive gene. Note that the article in question is speaking of excessive ejaculation.

I recall from having read the Sensuous Man in my teen years (hey, it was the 70's, AIDS hadn't reared its ugly head, and boys my age constantly fantasized about 'doing' it: only one thing hasn't changed in that list, guess which one), and, from memory, it cited that masturbation wasn't harmful unless you were A. missing meals, B. not taking care of your normal daily duties (work, paying bills), or C. not cleaning up after yourself, so it was okay to indulge yourself somewhat.

I also recall from my tender years, that I was reading the dictionary one day (yep, something of a bibliophile, even then, albeit excessively), and I came across the 'M' word. It had only one definition: 'Self pollution'. So I asked my mom (yeah, what a creepy story this is, in retrospect). Being the good Irish Catholic lady she was (and is), I was treated to her look of shock and horror at the question, and she asked me where I'd learnt that word. I told her what the definition said, and she agreed with it wholeheartedly. Later, I was informed by my peers (in middle school, where dead baby jokes were considered the height of humor -  I'm rolling my eyes too, I was a kid, gimmee a break here) as to what the word actually meant.

I am so very glad we live in the 21st century, not in those 'good ole days' some of the religious curmudgeons spout off about.

Now, having said my piece, I will henceforth take matters fully in hand, and stave off the deleterious onslaught of prostate cancer.

Let the innuendoes begin.

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13 comments:

beepbeepitsme said...

I am considering writing a little more on this topic too. Let me say this - do not under any circumstance type into a search engine "sperm, seed, god holy spirit" (or similar combinations thereof), as you will be amazed as the crapola that is out there.

This is from a gnostic website:-

"Christ and Jehovah reside within us as seminal substances. The Lord Jehovah is formed within us with the transmutations of the semen.
The Holy Spirit gives the Master wisdom and magical powers.
Therefore, the Lord Jehovah and the Lord Christ are individual entities and cosmic essences that are stored within the semen."

I knew it all along, guys have been fascinated with the supposedly "magical power" of their own spoof.

karen said...

So far, no prostate problems, semen leakage, or hair loss here.

Maybe I've been doing it wrong all these years?

Better keep practicing. ;)

Plonka said...

You're obsessed, all of you! It's filth I say! GOD will punish you and you'll go blind and hair will grow on your palms!

Does anyone know where those little gems come from? I've often wondered, but have never managed to find their origins.

KA: I've even read where there's a training regimen where after 100 days, the man is returned to the state of virginity (nice trick, no?)

Here in sunny Aus it's a well known fact that men, after six months without sex, revert to their natural state of virginity. There's no training or philosophy involved though, it's just a natural phenomena.

John P said...

Ok, so I've saved my prostate, but my hairline is receding. Was it worth it?

Damn straight!

The only thing I regret is all those years of Catholic guilt. And I have Catholicism to blame for that.

Thanks for the mention up there ^ .

Krystalline Apostate said...

BBIM - oh, that's just too...rich.
As well as sticky. HA!

karen:
So far, no prostate problems, semen leakage, or hair loss here.
Is there...something you ain't been sharin' w/us, doll? ;)

plonka:
Does anyone know where those little gems come from? I've often wondered, but have never managed to find their origins.
Cautionary tales made up on the fly by horrified moms, is my bet.
Like the 1 about, how a mother walks in on her young son masturbating. The woman cries, "Stop that! You keep doing that, you'll go blind."
The lad, being a good son, says, "Can I do it till I need glasses?"
Snort, chuckle.
Always liked that 1.

john p:
I rather doubt expanding real estate on the forehead is due to THAT.
De nada, by the way.

John P said...

"Always liked that 1."

They made a movie out of it.

"I rather doubt expanding real estate on the forehead is due to THAT."

No. I always assumed it was due to too many U-turns under the sheets. :)

Krystalline Apostate said...

Oh, wow, they did?
Why am I not shocked? Surprised?
No. I always assumed it was due to too many U-turns under the sheets. :)
Oy, bragging again, are we? ;)

John P said...

Oy, bragging again, are we? ;)

Since I still have a good bit on top, and it's only a slight recede, it's not much of a brag.

More like wishful thinking :)

remy said...

Beep,
Spoof? Is that an Aussie term?

KA
Didn't the Surgeon General during Clinton get smacked down for her advocacy of said activity?
I, myself, am pure as the Virgin Mary, unless you count the last 45 years.

beepbeepitsme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
beepbeepitsme said...

remy

I dunno. Spoof equals jizz?

Krystalline Apostate said...

remy, BBIM - clean up after you're all done, wouldja? ;)

john p:
Since I still have a good bit on top, and it's only a slight recede, it's not much of a brag.
I was talking of the other thing.

remy said...

Beep,

I knew what you were talking about, just never heard it before. I MUCH prefer your version. There are only a couple of words that cause me to cringe and that other one is one of them.