Allegories Gone Wild – TEOTWAWKI And The Informercial

Cross posted @ God Is For Suckers!

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine. – R.E.M, It’s The End Of The World

I came home this morning, and found a pamphlet tucked into my doorsill, and that pamphlet was from the Jehovah’s Witless, trumpeting about the End Of The World. It’s not enough that these anachronisms fantasize about the EOTW, but they feel bound and obliged to share it with the rest of us.

That little nugget comes from Ezekiel 3:18-19
18 If I say to the wicked person: (A) You will surely die, but you do not warn him—you don't speak out to warn him about his wicked way in order to save his life—that wicked person will die for his iniquity. Yet I will hold you responsible for his blood. 19 But if you warn a wicked person and he does not turn from his wickedness or his wicked way, he will die for his iniquity, but you will have saved your life.

Thanks, Zeke. You helped make life a little more difficult, as if it wasn’t enough already. The bible – enabling crazy and delusional people since the 10th century BCE.

So today’s rant pretty much targets another End-Day-er, and sure enough, if you read the sentences, and then close your eyes, you can actually see in your mind’s eye, an infomercial.

Christians: “Finally Understand Bible Prophecy (Including What Event To Expect Next) Thanks To A Prophetic Timeline Breakthrough Based On Two Overlooked Keys in the Words of Jesus”

So, does anyone here wonder why I have a problem with allegory? Some clown finds two or three alternate wordings in a ‘sacred text’, and voila! Time to restructure the epistemology!

New Update!
Iran In Prophecy
My latest research shows where Iran's devastation is in Bible prophecy. Ahmadinejad's plan to wipe Israel off the map with nuclear weapons will backfire and cause his own people to flee Iran. It's the next prophecy to be fulfilled and will affect everyone who depends on the flow of Middle East / Strait of Hormuz oil.

Quick! Notify the Pentagon! This stuff is gold! Let me guess….somewhere in 2012, right? So – somewhere in the bibble, it says the missiles will turn back on the launchers, right?

ongratulations, you're about to discover surprising Bible secrets that few have the chance to hear. My name is Tim McHyde (like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. And yes, in case you're wondering, I did get teased a lot for my name when I was a kid :-) For over 20 years now, I have had an absolute passion for understanding the mysteries of the Bible, especially what Bible prophecy reveals will really happen in the future.

Because hobbies in the real world don’t enable your delusions, no doubt.

As a result of that curiosity and persistence, I've made unbelievable progress in turning the Book of Revelation from a frustrating codebook into a understandable playbook that anyone, including you, can readily understand and use to your benefit in the troubled times ahead. Given the nature of the challenges that are coming, this information can literally save your life.

The problems here are manifold: A. McHyde presupposes a deity, B. presupposes the wholly bibble is accurate, and C. presupposes that the book in question isn’t topical (which internal markers actually show that it is).

First, judging from all the emails I have received to my Bible prophecy websites since 2000...

More people with no hobbies?

Guess What Hard Question People Want To Know Most From Me These Days?

I'll give you a clue. It directly relates to this string of tragedies that have recently happened:

1. 9-11 World Trade Center Attack
2. The Earthquake and Tsunami at Sumatra
3. Hurricane Katrina's castastrophic flooding of the city of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast states
4. ...and also to these doomsday scenarios in the news (some of which only receive coverage on the Internet):
5. Global warming and other drastic climate change
6. Iran's nuclear bomb and Islamic apocalypse aspirations (which can also create oil crises) bringing war to the Middle East
7. Terrorist dirty nukes on American soil (in response to an Iran invasion)
8. Hubbard's peak oil crisis
9. Potential impacts from near earth objects (comets, asteroids, meteors)
10. China invading Taiwan (who America is avowed to defend)
11. Conflict with North Korea over her nuclear missiles capable of striking California
12. World War III
13. Avian flu virus pandemic
14. Overpopulation
15. More killer hurricanes
16. The Next 9-11 Attack
17. More killer earthquakes (California is considered overdue for a Big One)

Can you guess now?

Ah, hello? Number 12 hasn’t happened yet?

The question I'm asked most is driven by a growing suspicion that our best days may already be behind us and a day is coming to mark "the end of the world as we know it" (TEOTWAWKI). This is the dreaded day when the good times of prosperity, freedom, stability and security that we enjoy and downright expect today are over. This generation has never seen a Great Depression, Holocaust or World War but realizes evil and danger have multiplied in the world since those days making it unreasonable to expect that history will not repeat itself.

This has been an ongoing non-discussion for the past 2000 years. Arguably, the ‘world as we know it’ ends on a regular basis because the ‘status quo’ is constantly in flux.

So, the question everyone seems to want to know from me is if Bible prophecy tell us what really will cause the world to unravel and more importantly, when will this happen and what do we do about it?

Simple answer(s): no, no such thing as ‘prophecy’, so not gonna happen.

The answer is "yes" the Bible tells us what will happen and enough clues to know when to expect it and, thankfully, also how to "escape all these things" as Jesus himself put it.

There are better hobbies to be had than sitting around playing witless guessing games.

Now, I'll admit it right here: this concept of TEOTWAWKI coming can be a major downer that nobody would want to believe or think about. It makes you feel hopeless to hear that the world will only get worse. If you naturally believe that there is nothing you can do about it, of course you'd rather just immediately put it out of your mind, ignore it, or go watch TV or play a video game to help you feel good about life again.

Thanks, Dr. Phil.

But there is hope and a better approach than just ignoring the signs of the times and the handwriting on the wall, so to speak.

Does this cat know that the book of Daniel is pretty much a joke?

The Solution: Follow God's Survival Plan For You

Well, as you know... Even though many people have a computer, few have the knowledge and training they need in order to harness its full potential to make life easier.

That exact same principle holds true about your understanding of Bible prophecy.

Uh, no, it’s firmly established that biblical prophecy is codswallop. Also, the analogy is so brittle it collapses, as one cannot compare a 20th century technological tool to a set of anachronistic musty old rules put together by a fiercely nomadic and insular society from the Iron Age.

Just as it takes advanced knowledge to get the most from your computer, understanding any part of the Bible takes more than just knowing how to read. There's actually a prophetic roadmap found in the Bible that must be understood first in order to properly interpret the Biblical prophecies, and eventually unlock their full meaning so you can anticipate future events just as God intended.

Exempting of course, lottery numbers, horse races, actual economic forecasts, and anything vaguely resembling reality.

Unfortunately, most people (including you) probably aren't even aware of this "prophetic roadmap" much less the fact that you can actually use it to improve your life!

Much of it goes on in this vein – including (I kid you not) a money back guarantee!

But somehow, this will be exempted from consideration as fraud, because it’s religious.

Or, as David Hannum put it, “There’s a sucker born every minute.”

A joyful Fourth to you and yours. This is the Apostate, signing off.