ALLEGORIES GONE WILD - THE SECOND COMING IS...WELL, NOT QUITE THE WAY WE WERE TOLD IT WOULD BE

All hail the Lizard King, er, Queen?

I'm surprised David Icke hasn't gone apeshit over this.

So now Flora (pictured below) is the new Virgin Mary.

Problem is, she had a litter of seven eggs, which are hatching. (OOOOO - sacred number seven! Quick, go get your Bible Code and cross-reference it with Nostradumbfuck! There must be some sort of connection!)

Oh, but wait, you say. The wholly bibble was talking strictly about bipedal people, this doesn't apply, how can anyone possibly juxtapose the bible allegorically allow serpentry to ascend?

Apparently, this nutter:

"ABSTRACT: There is an increasing amount of archaeological and linguistic evidence that pterosaurs (flying reptiles) were mentioned by several authors of Scripture. This introductory article will deal with some of those biblical words and what I've learned about them from word studies and archaeology. The scientific basis for this study has been established by articles for peer-reviewed scientific publications for both secular and creation groups. The spiritual symbolism for these animals and cultural relevance during the biblical era will also be looked at. Finally, some implications from this knowledge will be examined."

Yeesh, and Christians get upset when we call them irrational?

"Strong evidence has been found that pterosaurs lived during biblical times in the middle east. Moreover the Bible itself mentions these animals at least a half-dozen times. Though maintained by biblical scholars for more than two Millennia, until (and including) the NASB and NRSV translations, the popular NIV has abandoned Isaiah's two allusions of these colorful creatures. Of course the reason for that is because mainstream science has maintained for more than a century that pterosaurs (i.e. flying reptiles) have been extinct for tens of millions of years and that no person ever saw them."

Remind me to write a monogram titled 'Religious allegory: a recipe for non-edible fruitcake'.

"Recent studies of ancient Egyptian (and other) artifacts have revealed that they must have observed at least several pterosaur species now known from the fossil record because of the morphological characteristics that were depicted. Among these species are the: Pteranodon ingens, Quetzalcoatlus, Ornithoceras, Rhamphorhynchus, as well as the Scaphognathus crassirostris and Dimorphodon macronyx. Moreover the depictions of undetermined species of Rhamphorhynchoid (long tailed) pterosaurs with tail vanes demands that they observed pterosaurs since they wouldn't depict reptiles with that feature if they hadn't actually observed a living pterosaur."

Yeah, they also had observed people with the head of a crocodile, and women with the head of a wasp and the body of a hippo. Oh, wait: those aren't mentioned anywhere in the fairy tales. Talk about cherry-picking. There's more (he said, with trepidation):

"I believe 'tan' was the word the Hebrews used later for griffins (which I think were formerly living animals based on the archaeological evidence). That could explain why the term nahash saraph became nahashtan many centuries later. Providing my reasons why the griffin was represented by the Hebrew word tan would be the subject of another article."

I'd really love to see the fossils for that particularly wild speculation.

Apparently, the imposter (oops, sorry, I meant apostle) Paul also verifies this:

"However, there were no ibis birds to protect the Israelites in the wilderness. The apostle Paul confirms the historicity of the event with his first epistle to the Corinthians: Nor let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed by serpents (10:9). The Greek word that Paul uses, ofewn, is the dative plural of ofi", a word used of both terrestrial and flying reptiles by first century Greek authors. A word for 'winged,' such as petein (like the Septuagint) sometimes modifies the subject when pterosaurs were being described."

Holy Pteranodon, Batman! Killer Croc's got wings!

And hey! The pterosaur's a symbol for Jay-sus! I shit you not:

"The pterosaur's symbolism for Christ is found in both the Pentateuch and Isaiah. The Exodus event, with the brazen saraph being raised in the wilderness was explicitly mentioned by Christ to Nicodemus to be symbolic for his crucifixion (Jn. 3:14). His sacrifice would provide spiritual healing to all who would look in faith like the physical healing provided during the Exodus.

One interesting facet to be gained by acknowledging the saraph to be a pterosaur is the consistency of biblical symbolism. The serpent is universally a symbol of evil and of Satan from Gen. 3 right through to Rev. 20. How could an animal that almost always symbolized the Devil be taken to symbolize Christ? When the saraph is seen to be a pterosaur, distinct from the serpent, the imagery becomes clear."

Hey, if I juggle the allegorical symbolism of the bibble, maybe I can even make a case for evolution, can't I? Apparently, you can make a case for anything based on the mutterings of a bunch of Iron-age madmen.

I particularly love the crap about Jeremiah (time to start singing that old Steppenwolf song):

"The meaning of that obscure Hebrew word was lost in antiquity before the Septuagint was translated. There are two variants for that word from the Septuagint, O translates it apospasma, meaning tearing away, severing; and A and S egkentrizwn, meaning goading on, spurring on. Modern scholarship, however, has found equivalent Aramaic and Arabic words (to the Hebrew) that mean literally, 'a biter.' That would correspond best with the O edition of the Septuagint. Specifically, the Arabic word is now ascribed to an insect (i.e. horsefly). Many animal words, though, change their meaning after the animal becomes extinct."

Wait: if it said word was lost in antiquity, how on earth did you manage to latch onto it...ohhhh, riiggghhhtt. Betcha this dimbulb had a vision of some sort, or consulted the Ouija board. More hilarity:

"The archaeological evidence confirms the cultural phenomenon of flying reptiles in both the northern and southern kingdoms in the eighth century, corresponding with the time of Isaiah's prophecy. The symbol was prominent in Egypt many centuries before its popularity in Israel and Judah. Indeed Isaiah's word for pterosaurs, saraph, is a loan word from Egypt and probably represented a griffin, an animal unknown to modern science for which fossils may someday be found. The name of the griffin for Israel was probably tan, and therefore the usage of nehushtan instead of nahash saraph.

The metal bowl found at Nimrud, among the Assyrian loot from late eighth century Judah, indicates that Nehushtan was a flying serpent. That would be consistent with Isaiah's rediscovery of the word saraph that had not been used since the Exodus and had, apparently, been forgotten. That bowl is additional evidence of the cultural phenomenon that occurred when Isaiah had his dramatic experience at God's throne. The many seals from Israel and Judah are also some of that evidence. The ancient accounts of some poisonous pterosaurs matches the context of the exotic animal that Isaiah mentioned."

Ummm...hello? The Exodus never happened. Really. Your time would've been better spent trying to prove that, than to indulge yourself in wild speculation trying to prove that dinosaurs existed in the time of Moses.

This concludes another episode of Allegories Gone Wild.

Now get down on your knees, and start praising our new Lizardly Queen. Or, there's a new world comin', and you ain't gonna like how it comes out THIS time.

Till the next post, then.