left biblioblography: CONFIDANTS IN CHRIST

Friday, May 12, 2006

CONFIDANTS IN CHRIST

I got this wild, WILD thing in my account (my reluctant atheist mailbox, no less).

DEAR BELOVED,

Excuse me, do I KNOW you?

I am Sussan Adams

How nice for you.

PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO USE IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD.

Hey babe, I'm the reluctant atheist, emphasis on the atheist.

I am the above named person. I am married to Dr. Donald Adams A LIBERIAN but Inow in Nigerian General HOSPITAL taking treatment for my sickness, who worked with U.S embassy in LIBERIAN for nine years before he died in the year 2000.

You got my sympathies.

We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

I'm starting to hear violins here, troops.

Before his death we were both born again Christians.

Here it comes.

Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.

And this is my problem how?

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of$10.5 Million (Ten Million five hundred thousand U.S.Dollars) with A Bank Presently, this money is still under the safe keeping of the Reserve FINANCE COMPANY Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next SEVEN months due to my cancer
problems.

You got my attention now, you betcha

Though what disturbs me most is my stroke.

Waitaminnit: a stroke and cancer? I'd say god ain't lookin' out for you, honey.

Having known my condition, I decided to donate this fund to church or better still a Christian or muslim individual That will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in.

If you wanted to cover all bases with this scam, you shoulda said Jewish as well.

I want a church that will use this fund on, orphanages, deaf and domb and poor widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained.

I like the deliberate misspelling of 'dumb', don't you?

The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers.

What, you don't understand what the word atheist means?

I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision.

See comment above. Better believe I will find some 'ungodly' uses for it.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going.

Hey, so do I. Nowhere.

I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.

He ain't doing such a great job, from the sounds of it.

I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me always.

Ooooh, I'm her confidante now. How exciting!

I don't want them to know about this development.

Hey, I understand. But I trust YOU now! Yeah, right.

With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I forward your personal information, such as Your full name, Your full address, with Your telephone and fax number to my lawyer so that he will contact you as the legal owner of my fund before the bank will be transferring the fund into your nominated Bank Account in your country.

THERE'S the money shot! Since we're now confidants in Christ,

I will also issue you a letter of a authority that will back you up as the real next of kin and the original- beneficiary of my fund.

Ooooh! I can hardly wait!

I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd,

Baby, you done been fleeced. That's what happens to sheeple.

you will also promise me that you will not seat on the fund when it gets into your bank account.

Oh, don't worry: YOU'RE not getting ANY of my info.

My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian.

Yeah, and got a stroke and cancer for your trouble. If you exist. Which I doubt.

Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth.

Like you are, in this scam.

Please always be prayerful all through your life, any delay in your reply will give me room in serching for a church or Christian individual for this same purpose.

'Hurry! Hurry before I find someone else!' Bite my ass.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. Hoping to hear from you as soon as possible.

Oh, suuuurrrrreee.

Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.

Well, since there AIN'T any such critter, should be easy enough.

Yours in Christ,

Mrs. Sussan Adams

Yours in disbelief, a complete APOSTATE!

Apparently, religious people are extremely gullible.

What a newsflash.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

10 comments:

Beowulf said...

What a spoof!

udonman said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Im getting weird looks from the guest in the lobby as I lough out lod reading that one.

so bf how much money did you the good christian get riped off for?

Krystalline Apostate said...

BF:
Spoof? It's obviously 1 of those scammer spammers. Didn't need your link to figure that 1 out.
Which reminds me: I ain't heard from the Nigerian prime minister in a while.

HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Heh.
Funniest thing is that these lies,
cons and scams (Synonyms for Religion, actually)
really aren't -that- extreme.
Compared to the words of the
bible, I mean.
More obvious, perhaps, but...
no, on second thought the biblical ones are just as obvious.
You know, if you haven't
gotten your frontal lobes
pierced by a knitting needle.

As an anecdotal aside,
personally, I've gotten tired
of American mormon missionairies
jumping on me at the local Danish train station. I admire their dedication, though.
They've learned to speak Danish
with only a slight American accent.
(Which is damn hard.)Of course, what they DO say,
is so much gibberish anyway,
that I wonder why they bother.

- Michael.

udonman said...

micheal Im sorry we are exporting our evangicals to your country do your best to ignore them I know its hard I try not to even argue with them any moremy self.

Krystalline Apostate said...

HMDK:
Hey, here's a thought:
Take the book of mormon (if they're giving out free copies) or any other pamphlets, and thank them profusely for the free TP.
Chances are, they'll take the hint, & leave you be. ;)

HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Relucty.
Thanks for the sound backside advice.
But I've figured out an even easier strategy.
Not so much with the american Mormons, but at least with the homegrown Jehova's Witnesses.
(They hang out at the same places)
As the irony of ironies would have it, the train-station I mentioned also, in a nearby building,
houses a blood-lab for Copenhagen doctors.
So from now on when the Witnesses approach me, I'll ask THEM:
"Can I get a sample?".
All that's left is to watch them
squirm.

Krystalline Apostate said...

HMDK:
So from now on when the Witnesses approach me, I'll ask THEM:
"Can I get a sample?".

I'm not sure I follow?

udonman said...

jehovasshat witness dont give blood wont take transfusions and the such I belive thats what hes talking about

Krystalline Apostate said...

udonman:
Thanks. I'd forgotten about that.