left biblioblography: SUNDAY IS BAR-B-Q TIME!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

SUNDAY IS BAR-B-Q TIME!

Apparently, we can thank the OT for the concept of the barbecue -
Selected phrases from the following:
http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/cruelty/long.html

Genesis 8:20 And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar.

8:21 And the LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man's sake; for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth ; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done.

Exodus 20:24 An altar of earth thou shalt make unto me, and shalt sacrifice thereon thy burnt offerings, and thy peace offerings, thy sheep, and thine oxen: in all places where I record my name I will come unto thee, and I will bless thee.

Exodus 24:5 And he sent young men of the children of Israel, which offered burnt offerings, and sacrificed peace offerings of oxen unto the LORD.
(24:5-8)"And Moses took the blood, and sprinkled it on the people."
24:6 And Moses took half of the blood, and put it in basons; and half of the blood he sprinkled on the altar.

Exodus 29 consists of rituals, mostly consisting of chopping up different animals, blood and bits and whatnot, and burning them for a 'Sweet savor'

Directly from the aforementioned source:
"God gives detailed instructions for performing ritualistic animal sacrifices. such bloody rituals must be important to God, judging from the number of times that he repeats their instructions. Indeed the entire first nine chapters of Leviticus can be summarized as follows: Get an animal, kill it, sprinkle the blood around, cut the dead animal into pieces, and burn it for a "sweet savor unto the Lord." Chapters 1 - 9"

Numbers:
"# God gives more instructions for the ritualistic killing of animals. The smell of burning flesh is "a sweet savour unto the Lord." 15:3, 13-14, 24"
"God describes once again the procedure for ritualistic animal sacrifices. such rituals must be extremely important to God, since he makes their performance a "statute" and "covenant" forever. 18:17-19"

"In these chapters, God provides ridiculously detailed instructions for the ritualistic sacrifice of animals. The burning of their dead bodies smells great to God. Eleven times in these two chapters God says that they are to him a "sweet savour." 28 - 29"

A few things strike me as odd:

  1. If a thousand years are as one day (psalms 90:4), how on earth is anything being burnt for a day (or less) going to even have any impact on YHVH, and

  2. Since said creator exists OUTSIDE the realm of the laws of physics, how would cooking up a few 'bullock steaks' make any difference whatsoever?


So the two questions of the day are:
  1. Does God have a nose? and

  2. Does YHVH prefer worschesire or A1 sauce?

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11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Answers
1. Yes. And it's implanted far up his own ass.
2. I dunno, but now I'M HUNGRY!

I don't get Genesis 8:21. The smell of burning meat makes god realize "the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth" ? (Which I take to be a reference to Eden.)
He's not going to curse the ground any more because of this. Did his Omnipotence not know this prior?

Maybe he was having trouble shuffling through his Roladex of memories.

Aside from needing constant ego boosts from sacrificial offerings, he's as human as you or I in that a momentary whiff of something odorifous can send him to the porch rocker for an afternoon's musings.

But at least we can throw some shrimp on the barbie! Old Noah wasn't allowed to do that.

Make my steak medium rare, please.

karen

Krystalline Apostate said...

karen:
He's not going to curse the ground any more because of this.
I don't quite recall where he cursed the ground before.
Maybe he was having trouble shuffling through his Roladex of memories.
Ha-HA! Divine senility?
he's as human as you or I in that a momentary whiff of something odorifous can send him to the porch rocker for an afternoon's musings.
My opinion is that the priests substituted YHVH for themselves.
Old Noah wasn't allowed to do that.
Oy, mebbe he's allergic to shellfish? Would go a long way to explain all that crap in Leviticus.
Make my steak medium rare, please.
Ummm...s'okay if that's a tofu steak?
Hehehehe

Anonymous said...

"I don't quite recall where he cursed the ground before."

I think he was talking about Noah's flood...ch. 7 maybe?


Tofu steak.
Bleah. Only if it's stuffed inside a juicy ribeye or maybe a filet. I can always scrape it out and poke at it and then say "I'm full." :)

k.

HairlessMonkeyDK said...

I'm with Karen on the carnivorous thing.
Though I -am- starting a diet today, I will not go off meat...
unless the meat has gone off.
I will never be able to live without a bit of bacon in my life... or belly.
But I won't let that keep me from enjoying your very funny post,
Uncy Herbivore.

P.S. Carnivore is a bit misleading.
Omnivore suits me better.
I consume daily doses of fresh tomatoes. And pineapple is something I'd miss as much as bacon.

Krystalline Apostate said...

karen:
I think he was talking about Noah's flood...ch. 7 maybe?
I don't know if that's the same. If so, he then cursed the entire earth?

HMDK:
Uncy Herbivore.
An herbivorous Alpha wolf?
What's the world coming to these days? ;)
I'm tryin' to stay off meat, but poultry's always been a fav o' mine. & ham.
I do miss roast beef, though. Ne'er been a steak fan.
I do cheat a bit, here & there. Pep pizza on occasion. I don't eat salami, though I love it: I can TASTE how bad it is for me, even though it tastes ever so good.
Don't ask. I'm not sure I could explain.

Anonymous said...

hairless
YOU'RE starting a diet?
Oh, the pressure!
:P
k.

HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Hey, Karen.. yeah, I am.
Will try to lose about 10-15 Kg (Kilograms).

What I don't get it,
is why this should put any pressure on you...
rather, it ought to ...ahem.. alleviate it!
Hehhh...

Anonymous said...

hairless
LOL
Hadn't thought of that! I'm slippin', I guess!

Pressure cos I've been trying to lose for so long w/o success!

I wouldn't want to squish you. :)
k.

udonman said...

so reluctant is a veggie damn i was thinking about sending him a couple of omaha steaks oh well guess i will just eat them myself and use a bible as fuel on the grill to give it that extra juicy taste of blasphemy

Krystalline Apostate said...

udonman:
The thought is appreciated, my friend.
use a bible as fuel on the grill to give it that extra juicy taste of blasphemy
Ah, but that taste will be all in your head, hehehehe

udonman said...

oh oh course but its still better than the bitter taste than the small part of the bible I have read left in my mouth