Deathwatch Daze...

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. - Hamlet

As many of you may have noticed, I've not been keeping up with my blogging. Some of it is work-related - my job entails a great deal of mental gymnastics and social interaction (to the point where I'm usually blasé about responding to commenters on my blog, or visiting and commenting at my usual digs), but lately, there's been another item that's been distracting me tremendously.

My mother's been diagnosed with cancer.

Being 75 years old, this is pretty much a death sentence.

Around Thanksgiving, she was still hale and healthy, and then BOOM! Seemingly overnight, she became enfeebled. I used to joke around about "I've fallen, and I can't get up!" That's simply not amusing in the slightest anymore, when you have to rush over and help an elderly relative to stand.

At first, she'd slur her words in the evening, which I chalked up to her drinking wine (she never got 3 sails to the wind, I might add), and her doctor thought it was the onset of a stroke. Then they found a tumor behind her ear, and then a spot on her lungs. All those years of bad habits accumulated, apparently.

Then one morning, I got up at 8:00 AM on the weekend, and she was sitting at the dining table, and there was a huge wound ground into her forearm. Seems she'd gotten up around 4:30 to go to the bathroom, fell, and spent a great deal of time fighting her way back up. She went to the hospital that day.

She didn't want to bother me. So she didn't holler. Tough old bird.

My little sister and I were alternating - she'd watch mom during the week, evenings and weekends I scurry about, supplying her with what little she requires these days.

She goes under the knife today. Not terribly clear on the details yet.

Certainly, her bad habits brought her to this pass. Hardly an argument, there.

I think this is the cruelest system ever - not enough that we're slated to expire at some juncture, but that this cloak of flesh is heir to a million diseases, and as many weaknesses. It clearly reeks of non-design, a thorough testament to a lack of a guiding force, or a caring universe.

So the religious among my readers can drape it under "the deity moves in mysterious ways" all they want - they can just shove that right up where the sun don't shine. Superstitious nonsense is less than comforting - I find cold comfort in spurious, unprovable lies. Unless some sort of 'miracle' occurs, I stand convinced:

There is no god. Capital or lowercase G.

So put that in your smoke and pipe it.

Cheers.

ADDENDUM - as of Saturday, my mother got through her operation with flying colors. The poor dear is still somewhat bewildered, but she aced the thing. The operation was for a tumor behind her ear. The carcinoma, however, still limits her remaining time to 6 months to a year.