Here's a little ditty from the Quran, that you might find amusing - I'm reminded of the story of Balaam. Courtesy of a Muslim by the name of Ezzatoa, whose cute little stories I've eviscerated here, here, and here.
I was perusing his rather baroque meritocracy, when I chanced on this little gem:
"[17:59] What stopped us from sending the
miracles is that the previous generations have rejected them. For example, we
showed Thamoud the camel, a profound (miracle), but they transgressed against
it. We sent the miracles only to instill reverence"and Thamoud is a a tribe who witnessed a camel emerging from a solid rock.
Double-blink. Say whaaa...?
Shore 'nuff, it's a 'real' story all right - though there are different versions (some of them are even more fantastic, like this one for instance).
So here's the less...embellished version:
God granted Salih this miracle and a huge, unique, camel appeared from the direction of the mountain. The Quranic commentators said that the people of Thamud gathered on a certain day at their meeting place, and Salih came and addressed them to believe in God, reminding them of the favors God had granted them.
A stray camel is a sign from on high?
Then pointing at a rock, they demanded: "Ask your Lord to make a camel, which must be 10 months pregnant, tall and attractive, issue from the rock for us."
Sounds like these cats had a menu in their hands, don't it? Why did it have to be attractive? (The mind shudders.) Why pregnant? Why not ask for a freakin' unicorn? (I'm guessing he had a few shills planted in the crowd, if this even happened at all.)
Salih replied: "Look now! If God sends you what you have requested, just as you have described, will you believe in that which I have come to you with and have faith in the message I have been sent with?"
They answered: "Yes."
Eenie beanie, chili weenie, the spirits are about to speak!
So he took a vow from them on this, then prayed to God to grant their request. God ordered the distant rock to split asunder, to bringing forth a great ten month pregnant camel. When their eyes set on it, they were amazed. They saw a great thing, a wonderful sight, a dazzling power and clear evidence!
Couldn't find a tophat big enough, ey?
A number of Salih's people believed, yet most of them continued in their disbelief, stubbornness, and going astray. God said: We sent the camel to Thamud as a clear sign, but they did her wrong. (Ch 17:59) and also: Verily the dwellers of Al Hijr (the rocky tract) denied the messengers. We gave them our signs, but they were averse to them. (Ch 15:80-81 Quran)
Let me guess...here a pregnant (attractive too!) camel emerges from the rocks, and yet, a large percentile of folks didn't buy it? Hmmm...
(Note that the gestation time of a camel is one year.)
There are a number of ancient accounts of this camel and its miraculous nature. It was said that the she camel was miraculous because a rock in the mountain split open and it came forth from it, followed by its young offspring. Other accounts said that the she camel used to drink all the water in the wells in one day, and no other animals could approach the water. Still others claimed that the she camel produced milk sufficient for all the people to drink, on the same day that it drank all the water, leaving none for them.
Nobody seems to be able to get the bloody story straight. Gee, what a surprise.
At first, the people of Thamud were greatly surprised when the she camel issued from the mountain rocks. It was a blessed camel, and its milk sufficient for thousands of men, women and children. If it slept in a place that place was abandoned by other animals. Thus it was obvious that is was not an ordinary camel, but one of God's signs. It lived among Salih's people, some of whom believed in God while the majority continued in their obstinacy and disbelief.
Doubtless because it was all fables.
Their hatred of Salih turned towards the blessed she camel and became centered on it. A conspiracy started to be hatched against the camel by the disbelievers, and they secretly plotted against it.
A conspiracy was hatched against a camel? Are you kidding me? I can see the marquis now - "The Hunt For Beige October!" "The Dromedary Conspiracy!"
Salih feared that they might kill the camel, so he warned them: "O my people! This camel of Allah is a sign to you, leave her to feed on Allah's earth, and touch her not with evil lest a near torment will seize you." (Ch 11:64 Quran)
"Plus she's having my kid," Salih let slip out.
For awhile, Salih's people let the camel graze and drink freely, but in their hearts they hated it. However, the miraculous appearance of the unique camel caused many to become Salih's followers, and they clung to their belief in God.
A group of people short on hobbies, I'd gather.
They laid a plot to kill the camel, and sought the help of their women folk to tempt the men to carry out their commands. Saduq bint of Mahya, who was from a rich and noble family, offered herself to a young man named Masrai Ibn Mahraj on condition that he hamstring the camel. Aniza, an old woman, offered one of her daughters to a young man, Qudar Ibn Saluf, in return for killing the camel. Naturally these young men were tempted and set about finding seven others to assist them.
So women were actually parceling out sexual favors to get rid of it? Really? Oh, for fuck's sake!
They watched the camel closely, observing all its movements. As the she camel came to drink at the well, Masarai shot it in the leg with an arrow. It tried to escape but was hampered by the arrow. Qudar followed the camel and struck it with a sword in the other leg. As it fell to the ground, he pierced it with his sword.
A 6th century SWAT squad was dispatched to exterminate the dromedary with extreme prejudice.
The killers were given a hero's welcome, cheered with songs and poetry composed in their praise. In their arrogance they mocked Salih, but he warned them: "Enjoy life for 3 more days then the punishment will descend upon you." Salih was hoping that they would see the folly of their ways and change their attitude before the 3 days went out.
They'd already done the deed, hadn't they? But then, 'they' (the entire cabal) decided to go after the camel lover:
They also plotted to kill Salih and his household as God stated: "So they plotted, and we planned a plan, while they perceived not." (Ch 27:50 Quran) Allah saved Salih and his followers from their wicked plans. Heavy hearted, they left the evil doers and moved to another place.
Get the hell outta Dodge! Of course, the inevitable, predictable climax:
Three days after Salih's warning, thunderbolts filled the air, followed by severe earthquakes which destroyed the entire tribe and its homeland. The land was violently shaken, destroying all living creatures in it. There was one terrific cry which had hardly ended when the disbelievers of Salih's people were struck dead, one and all, at the same time. Neither their strong buildings nor their rock hewn homes could protect them.
So let's nutshell this:
Prophet produces a 'miracle' pregnant camel from the rocks, which produces wonders. Evildoers plot against and kill said camel, plot against the magician, and get smote dead.
This doesn't even qualify as a decent Archie comic, let alone a 'miracle'.
Anyone who even accepts this ridiculous story as reality, needs to stop smoking hashish.
Let the mockery begin.
This is the Apostate, signing off.
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