Allegories Gone Wild: Extraterrestrial Baptisms

Cross-posted @ the Atheist Oasis

Not to rain on the Mormons’ parade (those bicycle-riding goofballs go about baptizing the dead) but good ole pope Francis pushed he envelope even further, when he declared:

Pope Francis Says He Would Baptize Martians If They Asked

In a homily delivered Monday, Pope Francis said he’d totally baptize Martians if they showed up at the Vatican demanding to be baptized.

He was trying to illustrate the point that everyone has the right to receive the Holy Spirit — even aliens from faraway planets.

“If tomorrow, for example, an expedition of Martians arrives and some of them come to us … and if one of them says: ‘Me, I want to be baptized!’, what would happen?” the pontiff said, according to AFP.

He defined these hypothetical beings as “green men, with a long nose and big ears, like children draw.” For extra emphasis, he added, “Who are we to close doors?”

Which immediately open the flood doors for all the UFO maniacs everywhere. Impossible hypothetical meet extremely unlikely hypothetical. The result? Phantasmagorical nonsense. It’s all guesswork. Even Drake’s equation is pure surmise. (Yes, you guessed it: I’m more a fan of the Fermi paradox, though it’d be cool to have other species traveling amid the stars.)

And…little green men from Mars? Does this clownhat realize it’s not the 1950’s anymore? Is this a rhetorical question?

Still, I suppose that it shouldn’t be too shocking: transubstantiation, virgin birth, zombies. What’s one more wack-a-doodle-doo?

Till the next post, then. 

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Sharia Sucks Dick: Unidirectional Marriage

Cross posted @ the Atheist Oasis
Really, how much more proof do we need that Ass-lame is completely bugfuck crazy?

Sudanese woman who married a non-Muslim sentenced to death

A Sudanese doctor who married a Christian man and who was convicted earlier this week on charges of apostasy was sentenced to death on Thursday, judicial officials said.

According to the Sudanese officials, 26-year-old Meriam Ibrahim, whose father was Muslim, was convicted on Sunday and given four days to repent and escape death. She was sentenced after that grace period expired, the officials said, speaking on condition of anonymity.

The sentencing drew condemnation from western embassies in the Sudanese capital, Khartoum, and international rights groups, including Amnesty International.

The court in Khartoum also ordered Ibrahim be given 100 lashes for committing zina – an Arabic word for illegitimate sex – for having sexual relations with a non-Muslim man.

The couple married in 2011 and have a child, born 18 months ago. Sudanese law does not recognise Ibrahim's marriage to a non-Muslim.

Ibrahim can appeal against her death sentence as well as the 100 lashes.

As in many Muslim nations, Muslim women in Sudan are prohibited from marrying non-Muslims, though Muslim men can marry outside their faith. By law, children must follow their father's religion.

Amnesty International said Ibrahim's conviction and death sentence were "truly abhorrent".

"The fact that a woman has been sentenced to death for her religious choice, and to flogging for being married to a man of an allegedly different religion is appalling and abhorrent," the London-based rights group said. "Adultery and apostasy are acts which should not be considered crimes at all."

The group also called for Ibrahim's immediate and unconditional release.

Sudan introduced Islamic sharia laws in the early 1980s, a move that contributed to the resumption of an insurgency in the mostly animist and Christian south of Sudan. An earlier round of civil war lasted 17 years and ended in 1972. The south seceded in 2011 to become the world's newest nation, South Sudan.

Sudan's current ruler, Omar al-Bashir, is an Islamist who seized power in a 1989 coup.

Really? Seriously? Let’s see if I get this straight: that illiterate pedophile Mohammed (PB& J be upon his name) pretty much borrowed 75% of Judaism’s mythology, but retrofitted it to suit the cultural mindset (the obscure reference I’m using here is that in Judaism, Jewishness is measured by the birth mother, not the DNA contributor, back then, it could be someone else) so that it was even more nasty and patriarchal.

What is happening here, and what most of the world is blinded to (gee, thanks for fucking nothing, you asshat accomodationists), is that women are pretty much still chattel in the eyes of most of the religious countries, especially in ass-backwards Africa and the Middle East.

It should not stand.

The rape culture of Islam shackles women like slaves –damages them, mutilates them, makes them the property of their husbands or fathers. It is a sick, malevolent mindset that the other two Abrahamic religions outgrew: the big question is, will our species survive this third spasmic evolution?

Maybe time will tell, on the proviso that there is any time left.

Till the next post, then.

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Sharia Sucks Dick: Brunei Bites A Big One

Cross posted @ the Atheist Oasis

The only problem with Islamic fundamentalism are the fundamentals of Islam. – Sam Harris

(Hat tip to the Atheist Republic)

Should this surprise anyone, anymore?

Brunei Introduces Stringent Islamic Penal Code

Brunei introduced a stringent Islamic penal code on May 1 that refers to Sharia punishments and includes the severing of limbs for theft and death by stoning for adulterers. Earlier, the United Nations has voiced deep concern over Brunei’s plans to implement such laws as the country already abides by a graver form of Islamic law than neighboring countries like Indonesia and Malaysia. The organization wanted Brunei to delay the changes so it could ensure the new laws comply with international human rights standards.

The state ruled by Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah has prospered economically on oil and gas exports. Almost 75 percent of Brunei’s population comprises of Malay Muslims with the rest comprising Christians and Buddhists.

“Today I place my faith in and am grateful to Allah the almighty to announce that, Thursday 1 May 2014, will see the enforcement of Sharia law phase one, to be followed by the other phases,” said Bolkiah.

The new penal code was supposed to be implemented in April but it was delayed by a week. Now, it will be introduced over three years with offences in the first phase covered by fines and prison sentences. The second phase will include amputations and the third phase will include stoning for crimes like adultery and homosexuality.

While announcing the penal code in 2013, 67-year-old Bolkiah referred to it as “a part of the great history of our nation.” After his announcement sparked a controversy across social media in February, Bolkiah warned internet users to stop attacking his plans.

Earlier, judges were given discretion in sentencing and it is unclear to what extent the penal code would apply to non-Muslims. Brunei’s civil courts abide by British law and the Sharia courts were earlier restricted to preside over family matters like inheritance and marriage.

“Under international law, stoning people to death constitutes torture or other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment and is thus clearly prohibited,” said spokesman for the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights, Rupert Colville.

Colville fears the revised penal code may encourage further violence and discrimination against women due to deeply entrenched stereotypes.

The hypocrisy is staggering. These shitheads (maybe not these specific shitheads) have repeatedly tried to get special dispensation from the U.N  - it’s a two-way street on human rights.

I really like this statement: After his announcement sparked a controversy across social media in February, Bolkiah warned internet users to stop attacking his plans.

I guess their imaginary friend is going to reach over the Interwebs, and start throttling me for smirking at this moron’s spasmic dance? I’d be happy to see that, let me tell ya.

Hard to believe such barbarity exists in the 21st century?

Till the next post, then.

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Sharia Sucks Dick: Boko Haram Members Should Be Shot On Sight

Cross-posted @ the Atheist Oasis

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. – H.L Mencken

It seems that our species never seems to learn the harsh lesson that fanatics can’t be reasoned with. Case in point:

Who are Nigeria's Boko Haram Islamists?

Nigeria's militant Islamist group Boko Haram - which has caused havoc in Africa's most populous country through a wave of bombings - is fighting to overthrow the government and create an Islamic state.

Its followers are said to be influenced by the Koranic phrase which says: "Anyone who is not governed by what Allah has revealed is among the transgressors".

Boko Haram promotes a version of Islam which makes it "haram", or forbidden, for Muslims to take part in any political or social activity associated with Western society.

This includes voting in elections, wearing shirts and trousers or receiving a secular education.

Boko Haram regards the Nigerian state as being run by non-believers, even when the country had a Muslim president.

Boko Haram leader Mohammed Yusuf was killed after his arrest

The group's official name is Jama'atu Ahlis Sunna Lidda'awati wal-Jihad, which in Arabic means "People Committed to the Propagation of the Prophet's Teachings and Jihad".

But residents in the north-eastern city of Maiduguri, where the group had its headquarters, dubbed it Boko Haram.

Loosely translated from the local Hausa language, this means "Western education is forbidden".

Boko originally means fake but came to signify Western education, while haram means forbidden.

Since the Sokoto caliphate, which ruled parts of what is now northern Nigeria, Niger and southern Cameroon, fell under British control in 1903, there has been resistance among the area's Muslims to Western education.

Many Muslim families still refuse to send their children to government-run "Western schools", a problem compounded by the ruling elite which does not see education as a priority.

Against this background, the charismatic Muslim cleric, Mohammed Yusuf, formed Boko Haram in Maiduguri in 2002. He set up a religious complex, which included a mosque and an Islamic school.

Boko Haram despises Western education and wants Islamic law imposed

Many poor Muslim families from across Nigeria, as well as neighbouring countries, enrolled their children at the school.

But Boko Haram was not only interested in education. Its political goal was to create an Islamic state, and the school became a recruiting ground for jihadis to fight the state.

In 2009, Boko Haram carried out a spate of attacks on police stations and other government buildings in Maiduguri.

Boko Haram: Timeline of terror

• 2002: Founded
• 2009: Hundreds killed when Maiduguri police stations stormed
• 2009: Boko Haram leader Mohammed Yusuf captured by army, handed to police, later found dead
• Sep 2010: Freed hundreds of prisoners from a Bauchi jail
• Dec 2010: Bombed Jos, killing 80 people and blamed for New Year's Eve attack on Abuja barracks
• 2010-2011: Dozens killed in Maiduguri shootings
• May 2011: Bombed several states after president's inauguration
• June 2011: Police HQ bombed in Abuja
• Aug 2011: UN HQ bombed in Abuja
• Nov 2011: Co-ordinated bomb and gun attacks in Yobe and Borno states
• Dec 2011: Multiple bomb attacks on Christmas Day kill dozens

This led to shoot-outs on Maiduguri's streets. Hundreds of Boko Haram supporters were killed and thousands of residents fled the city.

Nigeria's security forces eventually seized the group's headquarters, capturing its fighters and killing Mr Yusuf.

His body was shown on state television and the security forces declared Boko Haram finished.

But its fighters have regrouped under a new leader and in 2010, they attacked a prison in Bauchi state, freeing hundreds of the group's supporters.

Boko Haram's trademark has been the use of gunmen on motorbikes, killing police, politicians and anyone who criticizes it, including clerics from other Muslim traditions and a Christian preacher.

The group has also staged several more audacious attacks in different parts of northern Nigeria, showing that it is establishing a presence across the region and fuelling tension between Muslims and Christians.

These include the 2011 Christmas Day bombings on the outskirts of Abuja and in the north-eastern city of Damaturu, a 2010 New Year's Eve attack on a military barracks in Abuja, several explosions around the time of President Goodluck Jonathan's inauguration in May 2011, followed by the bombing of the police headquarters and the UN headquarters in Abuja.

In a 15-minute video posted on YouTube, the group's leader Abubakar Shekau defended the group's targeting of Christians, saying this was revenge for previous attacks on Muslims.

He also said his group would not be defeated by the security forces.

The attacks have raised global concern, with a US Congressional report - released in November 2011 - warning that Boko Haram was an "emerging threat" to the US and its interests.

The report said Boko Haram may be forging ties with al-Qaeda-linked groups in Africa, but the group denies this.

Analysts say northern Nigeria has a history of spawning groups similar to Boko Haram.

The threat will disappear only if the Nigerian government manages to reduce the region's chronic poverty and builds an education system which gains the support of local Muslims, the analysts say.

The latest in this ‘siege on Westernism’? The abduction of school girls. Hundreds of them. Sold into slavery, after being raped multiple times, and forced at gunpoint to convert to Islam.

And here in the twenty-first century, we are seeing the culminated results of the accomodationists’ ass-kissing of fanatics: blood in the streets, children being whisked away by barbarians to be raped, sold into slavery, and/or slaughtered. But as we all know, Islam is a rape culture; fraught with sexually repressed men who can’t be trusted to keep their dicks in their pants (or not lifting their thawbs), whose sole claim to gender superiority is some book of fables written by an illiterate pedophile.

Religion: it’s gotta go.

Till the next post, then.

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What Happens When The Religion Of Peace Meets The Religion Of Love?

Cross posted @ the Atheist Oasis

Bloodshed.

Wish that it was surprising.

Central African Republic's Seleka rebels call for secession amid sectarian war

Rebels in the Central African Republic are calling for the establishment of a new country as a radical solution to the worsening sectarian conflict.

The name – the Republic of Northern Central Africa – and a design for a national flag, are circulating by mobile phone in the dusty town of Bambari, which divides the CAR's largely Christian south from a northern region now controlled by the mostly Muslim Seleka rebels, according to Reuters. But the United Nations, the African Union, the former colonial power, France, and many analysts insist that this is neither likely nor desirable.

The call for partition echoes numerous secessionist movements across Africa, where arbitrary borders drawn by colonial mapmakers disregarded and cut across ethnic boundaries. South Sudan, the CAR's neighbour, gained independence from Sudan in 2011 – but is now embroiled in a civil war of its own.

Bambari has become a sanctuary for Muslims fleeing lynch mobs in the south; a convoy of French peacekeepers escorted 100 Muslims there last Monday from the capital, Bangui.

Such evacuations, which are continuing, are tantamount to accepting partition, the minister for reconciliation and communications, Antoinette Montaigne has conceded.

Abdel Nasser Mahamat Youssouf, member of a youth group in Bambari lobbying for the secession of the north, was quoted as saying: "The partition itself has already been done. Now there only remains the declaration of independence."

A colleague, Oumar Tidiane, said of the south: "They don't want any Muslims. Rather than calling their country the Central African Republic, they can call it the Central African Catholic Republic."

Militias known as the "anti-balaka" have driven tens of thousands of Muslims from the south, destroying mosques and virtually wiping out the Muslim population of Bangui. The UN high commissioner for refugees, António Guterres, has said the country faces "massive ethnic-religious cleansing", while Amnesty International has warned of a "Muslim exodus of historic proportions".

But there is no simple split. Before the crisis it was estimated that half the CAR's population was Christian and just 15% Muslim. David Smith, a director of Okapi Consulting, who spent several years in the country, said: "The number of Muslims in the CAR was small and now it is dramatically smaller. The number calling for secession is so small that it's hardly worth listening to them.

"There are some people who want to compare it with Sudan and South Sudan but that is completely off the mark.

"There are lot of independence movements all over this continent and most have more steam behind them than a group of young men in the CAR. It's coming predominantly from Chadians and Sudanese who want to have free rein in the region," he added.

Indeed, an independent north would play into the hands of neighbouring Chad and Sudan, whose mercenaries played a major part in a coup in March last year, sparking a backlash along religious lines that forced the Seleka to cede power in January. This is just one reason why partition is implacably opposed by the CAR's interim president, Catherine Samba-Panza. The UN secretary general, Ban Ki-Moon, has also warned of its dangers and the French president, François Hollande, has vowed to prevent it.

It is also unlikely to win much sympathy in the rest of Africa, where governments are resisting separatist movements everywhere from Angola to the Democratic Republic of the Congo, from Nigeria to Kenya, from Somalia to Zimbabwe. At independence half a century ago, the Organisation of African Unity (now the African Union) declared the borders immutable to prevent wars erupting.

It made a special case for South Sudan but is hardly like to do the same for the CAR. Koffi Kouakou, a foreign-policy expert at Wits University in Johannesburg, said: "The partition of the CAR is not likely to happen and is not desirable at political and economic levels.

"The social evidence on the ground shows that while the strife of ethnic cleansing is increasingly becoming a grave concern in many parts of Africa, mainly in central Africa, the partition of the CAR is a mirage at this stage.

"The international community will not allow it as a matter of course. A divided CAR is not feasible on international jurisdiction and on paper."

Kouakou added: "There may be an urgent need for a solution to isolate the warring populations for a while to help subside the violence. But it will not be in the interest of all parties to seek a secession of the mainly Muslim north away from the Catholic south.

"The partition of Sudan, a bordering country, is the evidence that the partition of a country is in fact not the solution to deep ethnic rivalries in Africa."

Smith said: "It's undesirable because the CAR as it stands is not a functioning state and has never been a functioning state. Cutting the CAR – which was the weakest part of French Equatorial Africa – in half will mean one half has virtually no infrastructure of any kind. If you don't have Bangui, you don't really have anything."

"It serves nobody's interest to create another basket-case state that requires aid from the international community."

Not all Muslims favour the move either. Ibrahim Alawad, one of a small band clinging to their homes in Bangui, said on Friday: "It cannot be just like that. You grow up in one country and you live in one place. We want to know what is in the minds of our fellow Christians.

"I don't want to see the country divided. Why not dialogue?

Because dialogue historically has never worked between religious factions. Look at the Crusades. The Goan Inquisition. The Albigensian Crusade.

For more topical examples, there is of course the Holocaust, the Yugoslav Wars…there seems to be an ongoing source even into the 21st century.

Religion is a mask that keeps humanity from looking at itself in the mirror.

Till the next post then.

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Happy Zombie Bunny Day!

Cross posted @ the Atheist Oasis

Special Agent Seeley Booth: “Voodoo! Who's gonna believe that stuff?”
Dr. Temperance Brennan: “It's a religion, no crazier than... well, what are you? “
Booth: “Catholic. “
Brennan: “They believe in the same saints you do... in prayer... what they call spells, you call miracles... they have priests... “
Booth: “We don't make zombies. “
Brennan: “Jesus rose from the dead in three days... “
Booth: “Jesus is not a zombie! “ – Bones, The Man in the Morgue

How the time flieth. It’s yet another Happy Zombie Day!

And yes, I am unconvinced by all the drive-posters over the years (and even some of the regular commenters for this site) that the mythical man-child Jaybus was anything else besides a zombie.

It seems I’m not alone. Why, there’s even a movie out about it. And the ever-hysterical Uncyclopedia has an entry for it. Why, there’s even a church for it!

Talk about getting a lotta mileage out of a meme. Wow. Wish I could take credit for it.

And amongst the wailing butt-hurt minions of said zombie, this explanation of how Jaysus wasn’t a zombie is among the more amusing.

It is unfortunate, that there is no objectivity gene: it would have spared our species a great deal of nonsense.

For the nerds and nerdettes out there, does anyone recall this bit of Space Opera?

 

If you were/are a Farscape fan, this bit of weirdness is vastly amusing.

Till the next post, then.

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Allegories Gone Stupid: More Homophobia Hiding Behind A Mask Of Love….

(Hat tip to the Friendly Atheist)
Cross posted @ the Atheist Oasis

“The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.”
― Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion

It is a continual source of amazement for those of us who aren’t entirely too jaded: here we have a malevolent, nasty, petty psychopath who for the entire duration of the Old Testament behaved in such a way that by today’s standards, would be put under heavy antipsychotic meds and locked up in an asylum for the criminally insane.

“But wait!” we are told, “these are New Testament times!”

So this gawd character forces himself on some woman, gets laid, has a kid, and suddenly he’s completely mellowed out?

How odd. How very….human.

And thanks to this outdated horse manure, we have the Christians to thank for polluting our children’s minds with anachronistic barbaric stupidity masquerading as heart-felt worry.

And here is the intro to the Day of Dialogue – a day where heteros get to gang up (nicely! with LOVE!) on LGBT folks.

As a high school or college student, do you wish your classmates could hear more of the story—like the truth about God’s deep love for us and what the Bible really says about His redemptive design for marriage and sexuality?

The Iliad has more authenticity than that wretched grimoire.

Wouldn’t it be nice if a deeper and freer conversation could happen when controversial sexual topics are brought up in your school?

It’s called Sex Education – something most religious parents veto when presented with a permission slip.

The good news is, it can—and that’s where Day of Dialogue® comes in. In contrast to the whole idea of silence, this is a day that encourages open dialogue.

Christlation: “We’ll force our beliefs on you in the name of looovvveee…

Watch the Day of Dialogue video Focus on the Family firmly believes that the truth will rise to the surface when honest conversations are allowed to happen.

My anecdotal experience is, that religious folks tend to run in the other direction when confronted with any truth.

And that’s why we’re so excited that we’ve become the sponsor for this event. The Day of Dialogue gives you, as a student, the opportunity to express the true model presented by Jesus Christ in the Bible—who didn’t back away from speaking truth, but neither held back in pouring out His incredible, compassionate love for hurting and vulnerable people.

The mythical man-child who contradicted himself consistently? Where the fuck was he during the Holocaust, anyways?

His example calls us to stand up for those being harmed or bullied while offering the light of what God’s Word says.

Yeah, because being mythical means you don’t have to do shit.

And the event gives you a chance to express this balanced perspective in a loving and peaceful way.

By telling people that some imaginary friend is going to shovel them into a furnace? Yeah, rrriggghhttt…

This year, Day of Dialogue happens on April 10—so make plans to participate in your school or college.

There should be a law keeping these hairy-eyed fanatics OUT of our schools.

You can also join us on our Facebook page and on Twitter to get updates, as well as to check out students’ feedback and interact with Day of Dialogue fans.

Well, it’s a few days late, but what the hey. Maybe some of us should go to their Facebook page, and start another ‘dialogue’, one where their utterly infantile nonsense is exposed as witless ignorance, not the youthful sweetness they hide behind.

Even after the event, you can still keep the conversation going at your school and in your neighborhood with the D.O.D. Weekly Challenges and teen-friendly articles and accompanying conversation-starter questions. Get the Dialogue started!

It’s more like the Day of Dipshits. It’s more frightening that they are brainwashing children (don’t get me wrong, I like kids, but for the most part, they’re thick as shit and believe everything they’re told, which is why we as adults make decisions for them, and why they don’t get to decide their own curricula).

The resources and manpower spent on these ludicrous displays of infantile servility would be best served focusing on eliminating hunger, and house the 10 million-odd children gone homeless world-wide. But oh no, here in America, we spend our resources like a drunken sailor on leave on idiocies like homophobia and stifling women’s reproductive rights.

The sooner we’re done with this nonsense, the better.

Till the next post, then.

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